Repair Attempts: Phrases That De-escalate
A couples worksheet with categorized repair-attempt phrases (feelings, responsibility, getting back on track) and space for a couple's own repair gestures.
1-page fillable PDF · US Letter (prints on A4) · Couples communication
- Approach / concern
- Couples & Relationships
- Technique
- Couples communication
- Format
- Fillable PDF, 1 page (US Letter / A4)
- Access
- Advanced plan
- For
- Licensed clinicians to use with clients
- Updated
- October 2026
Key facts
What is the Repair Attempts: Phrases That De-escalate?
Repair attempts are verbal or non-verbal efforts to de-escalate tension during conflict. The ability to make and accept repair attempts is a key feature of stable relationships.
Why it works
Successful repair during conflict is associated with relationship stability (Gottman & Silver, 2015), and everyday positive interactions support positive affect during conflict (Driver & Gottman, 2004).
When to use it
- Couples whose arguments escalate quickly
- Couples therapy homework
- Premarital education
- Families (adapted)
How to use it in session
- Explain repair attempts and why they matter.
- Each partner ticks phrases that feel natural.
- Create couple-specific repairs.
- Practise accepting repairs, not just making them.
- Review after conflicts.
Clinician tips
- Repairs only work if the other person accepts them.
- Humour can repair but avoid sarcasm.
- Post the list somewhere visible.
Worked example
Sharing with clients
Members can download the PDF to print or email, or copy a private client link from the download box. Your client opens the link and downloads the worksheet on any device. No client account is needed, and nothing your client writes is stored on TherapyAid.
Frequently asked questions
What if my partner ignores my repair attempts?
That can happen when someone is flooded. Try a break, then a gentle repair later. A couples therapist can help if it’s frequent.
Can repair attempts be non-verbal?
Yes. A touch, a smile or a gesture can be powerful repair attempts.
References
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work (Rev. ed.). Harmony Books.
Driver, J. L., & Gottman, J. M. (2004). Daily marital interactions and positive affect during marital conflict among newlywed couples. Family Process, 43(3), 301-314.
This worksheet is an educational tool for use by, or under the guidance of, a licensed or registered mental-health professional. It is not a diagnostic instrument or a substitute for clinical judgement. If a client is in crisis in Canada, call or text 9-8-8 or call 9-1-1.
