Living With Perpetual Problems
A couples worksheet sorting issues into solvable and perpetual, reviewing current handling and planning kinder dialogue, with an acceptance reflection.
1-page fillable PDF · US Letter (prints on A4) · Gottman Method
- Approach / concern
- Couples & Relationships
- Technique
- Gottman Method
- Format
- Fillable PDF, 1 page (US Letter / A4)
- Access
- Advanced plan
- For
- Licensed clinicians to use with clients
- Updated
- October 2026
Key facts
What is the Living With Perpetual Problems?
Gottman’s research distinguishes solvable problems from perpetual ones rooted in lasting differences. Acceptance-based couple therapy similarly emphasizes acceptance alongside change.
Why it works
Gottman and Silver (2015) report that most couple conflicts are perpetual. Integrative behavioural couple therapy emphasizes emotional acceptance of differences (Christensen et al., 2014).
When to use it
- Recurring conflicts
- Long-term couples
- Acceptance work
- Premarital counselling
How to use it in session
- List common issues.
- Sort solvable and perpetual.
- Note current patterns.
- Plan kinder dialogue.
- Reflect on acceptance.
Clinician tips
- Normalize perpetual problems.
- Watch for contempt.
- Screen for intimate partner violence before conjoint work; these exercises assume both partners feel safe.
Worked example
Sharing with clients
Members can download the PDF to print or email, or copy a private client link from the download box. Your client opens the link and downloads the worksheet on any device. No client account is needed, and nothing your client writes is stored on TherapyAid.
Frequently asked questions
Is it bad that we argue about the same things?
No. Most couples have perpetual issues; how you talk about them matters most.
How do I know if a problem is solvable?
Solvable problems are situational; perpetual ones come from lasting differences.
References
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work (Rev. ed.). Harmony Books.
Christensen, A., Doss, B. D., & Jacobson, N. S. (2014). Reconcilable differences: Rebuild your relationship by rediscovering the partner you love, without losing yourself (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
This worksheet is an educational tool for use by, or under the guidance of, a licensed or registered mental-health professional. It is not a diagnostic instrument or a substitute for clinical judgement. If a client is in crisis in Canada, call or text 9-8-8 or call 9-1-1.
