Our Negative Cycle Map
An emotionally focused therapy worksheet mapping each partner's triggers, reactive behaviours, underlying emotions and attachment needs in the negative cycle, plus a shared name for it.
1-page fillable PDF · US Letter (prints on A4) · Emotionally focused therapy
- Approach / concern
- Couples & Relationships
- Technique
- Emotionally focused therapy
- Format
- Fillable PDF, 1 page (US Letter / A4)
- Access
- Advanced plan
- For
- Licensed clinicians to use with clients
- Updated
- October 2026
Key facts
What is the Our Negative Cycle Map?
Emotionally focused therapy views couple distress as a negative interaction cycle driven by attachment fears. Mapping the cycle helps partners unite against the pattern rather than each other.
Why it works
Johnson (2019) describes de-escalating the negative cycle as the first stage of EFT. Hold Me Tight conversations help couples recognize their ‘demon dialogues’ (Johnson, 2008).
When to use it
- Couples with recurring conflict
- Pursue-withdraw patterns
- Early EFT sessions
- Individual relationship work
How to use it in session
- Each partner completes their part.
- Share in session.
- Connect the reactions.
- Name the cycle.
- Practise catching it.
Clinician tips
- Frame the cycle as the shared enemy.
- Validate secondary reactions before exploring primary emotions.
- Screen for intimate partner violence before conjoint work; these exercises assume both partners feel safe.
Worked example
Sharing with clients
Members can download the PDF to print or email, or copy a private client link from the download box. Your client opens the link and downloads the worksheet on any device. No client account is needed, and nothing your client writes is stored on TherapyAid.
Frequently asked questions
Who starts the cycle?
Usually it’s circular; each partner’s reaction triggers the other.
Can we do this without a therapist?
It can help at home, though cycles are easier to see with a couples therapist.
References
Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment theory in practice: Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) with individuals, couples, and families. Guilford Press.
Johnson, S. M. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. Little, Brown.
This worksheet is an educational tool for use by, or under the guidance of, a licensed or registered mental-health professional. It is not a diagnostic instrument or a substitute for clinical judgement. If a client is in crisis in Canada, call or text 9-8-8 or call 9-1-1.
