Four Conflict Traps & Their Antidotes
A couples worksheet explaining four damaging conflict patterns and their antidotes, with a table for analyzing recent conflicts and planning alternatives.
1-page fillable PDF · US Letter (prints on A4) · Couples communication
- Approach / concern
- Couples & Relationships
- Technique
- Couples communication
- Format
- Fillable PDF, 1 page (US Letter / A4)
- Access
- Advanced plan
- For
- Licensed clinicians to use with clients
- Updated
- October 2026
Key facts
What is the Four Conflict Traps & Their Antidotes?
Research by John Gottman identified four conflict behaviours, often called the ‘Four Horsemen’ (criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling), as strong predictors of relationship distress. Each has a corresponding antidote.
Why it works
These patterns predicted later divorce in longitudinal research (Gottman & Levenson, 2000). Teaching antidotes is a common couples therapy intervention (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
When to use it
- Couples with escalating conflict
- Premarital and relationship education
- Couples therapy homework
- Co-parents in conflict
How to use it in session
- Introduce each trap with examples.
- Each partner identifies their own traps.
- Practise antidotes in session.
- Analyze recent conflicts.
- Track progress over weeks.
Clinician tips
- Focus on your own traps, not your partner’s.
- Contempt is the most corrosive; address it early.
- Physiological flooding often drives stonewalling; teach self-soothing.
Worked example
Sharing with clients
Members can download the PDF to print or email, or copy a private client link from the download box. Your client opens the link and downloads the worksheet on any device. No client account is needed, and nothing your client writes is stored on TherapyAid.
Frequently asked questions
What are the Four Horsemen?
A term from Gottman’s research for criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling, four patterns that damage relationships.
Is it normal to use these sometimes?
Yes. Every couple does. The goal is noticing them and repairing.
References
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work (Rev. ed.). Harmony Books.
Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (2000). The timing of divorce: Predicting when a couple will divorce over a 14-year period. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(3), 737-745.
This worksheet is an educational tool for use by, or under the guidance of, a licensed or registered mental-health professional. It is not a diagnostic instrument or a substitute for clinical judgement. If a client is in crisis in Canada, call or text 9-8-8 or call 9-1-1.
