Turning Toward: Bids for Connection Log
A couples worksheet introducing bids for connection and the three response types, with a weekly log of bids made or received and how they were met.
1-page fillable PDF · US Letter (prints on A4) · Couples therapy
- Approach / concern
- Couples & Relationships
- Technique
- Couples therapy
- Format
- Fillable PDF, 1 page (US Letter / A4)
- Access
- Advanced plan
- For
- Licensed clinicians to use with clients
- Updated
- October 2026
Key facts
What is the Turning Toward: Bids for Connection Log?
‘Bids’ are everyday attempts by one partner to get attention, affection or support from the other. Research by Gottman and colleagues describes three responses: turning toward, turning away and turning against. Noticing bids raises awareness of small moments that shape a relationship’s emotional climate.
Why it works
In observational research, couples who turned toward each other’s bids more often showed more positive affect and humour during conflict (Driver & Gottman, 2004). Everyday responsiveness is a strong predictor of relationship satisfaction (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
When to use it
- Couples who feel disconnected
- Partners who miss each other’s subtle signals
- After affairs or ruptures, rebuilding closeness
- Couples education groups
How to use it in session
- Explain bids with everyday examples.
- Each partner logs bids for a week.
- Avoid scorekeeping; focus on own responses.
- Discuss patterns together in session.
- Choose one way to turn toward more often.
Clinician tips
- Bids are often subtle (a sigh, a link sent). Encourage curiosity.
- Turning toward can be tiny: a glance, an ‘mm-hmm’.
- If one partner feels chronically rejected, explore attachment needs.
Worked example
Sharing with clients
Members can download the PDF to print or email, or copy a private client link from the download box. Your client opens the link and downloads the worksheet on any device. No client account is needed, and nothing your client writes is stored on TherapyAid.
Frequently asked questions
Does every bid need a full response?
No. Even small acknowledgements count. What matters is the overall pattern of responsiveness.
Can this be used with family members?
Yes. Bids happen between parents and children, friends and colleagues too.
References
Driver, J. L., & Gottman, J. M. (2004). Daily marital interactions and positive affect during marital conflict among newlywed couples. Family Process, 43(3), 301-314.
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work (Rev. ed.). Harmony Books.
This worksheet is an educational tool for use by, or under the guidance of, a licensed or registered mental-health professional. It is not a diagnostic instrument or a substitute for clinical judgement. If a client is in crisis in Canada, call or text 9-8-8 or call 9-1-1.
