Why Do I Want Intimacy? Approach and Avoidance
A couples worksheet reflecting on approach and avoidance motives for intimacy, contexts that foster approach motivation and how freely chosen intimacy feels.
1-page fillable PDF · US Letter (prints on A4) · Couples sex therapy
- Approach / concern
- Sex Therapy
- Technique
- Couples sex therapy
- Format
- Fillable PDF, 1 page (US Letter / A4)
- Access
- Advanced plan
- For
- Licensed clinicians to use with clients
- Updated
- October 2026
Key facts
What is the Why Do I Want Intimacy? Approach and Avoidance?
Sexual motivation research distinguishes approach motives (pursuing positive outcomes) from avoidance motives (avoiding negative outcomes), with approach motives linked to higher desire and satisfaction.
Why it works
Muise et al. (2013) found approach sexual goals were associated with higher desire and satisfaction in relationships. Nagoski (2021) highlights context and freedom from pressure.
When to use it
- Low desire with obligation
- Pressure or coercion concerns
- Long-term couples
- Individual exploration
How to use it in session
- Explain motives.
- Notice your own.
- Identify helpful contexts.
- Rate freedom of choice.
- Discuss safely.
Clinician tips
- Screen for coercion.
- Avoid moralizing motives.
- Emphasize consent is ongoing.
Worked example
Sharing with clients
Members can download the PDF to print or email, or copy a private client link from the download box. Your client opens the link and downloads the worksheet on any device. No client account is needed, and nothing your client writes is stored on TherapyAid.
Frequently asked questions
Is it wrong to have sex to please my partner?
Not necessarily, but if it often feels like obligation, it’s worth exploring.
What if intimacy rarely feels freely chosen?
Talk with a therapist; consent and freedom from pressure are essential.
References
Muise, A., Impett, E. A., & Desmarais, S. (2013). Getting it on versus getting it over with: Sexual motivation, desire, and satisfaction in intimate bonds. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 39(10), 1320-1332.
Nagoski, E. (2021). Come as you are: The surprising new science that will transform your sex life (Rev. ed.). Simon & Schuster.
This worksheet is an educational tool for use by, or under the guidance of, a licensed or registered mental-health professional. It is not a diagnostic instrument or a substitute for clinical judgement. If a client is in crisis in Canada, call or text 9-8-8 or call 9-1-1.
